“Once we learn to turn toward ourselves, we can turn toward others with grace, curiosity, and wonder.” - Cameron H.

Attuning is a subtle art that helps us connect, provides a context for intimacy, and nurtures trust. Like tuning an instrument creates resonance amongst the notes, relational attunement establishes a sense of resonance within and between people. 

Our three-day Summer Dude Ranch Retreat is named after this principle: Attunement. 

I want to give you a sample of one practice we will feature on this getaway!

How does one “Attune” with another person?

This practice has multiple layers, one of the starting points is the first of the two T’s. This T stands for, Turning your full attention toward the relationship. “Turning towards” asks us to tune into the present moment with ourselves or another. 

In each moment, we can turn toward or away from a relationship. The frequency with which we choose to turn towards our relationships with our active presence determines the overall health of that relationship. 

This morning Patrick and I took a walk on the beach. There was mist in the air and a full rainbow covering the sky over the ocean! It was spectacular. 

After a moment of awe, we dove into a heady conversation about parenting. We were not turning towards each other. We were each reciting our reasons, selling the other on our differing perspectives.

When we got home, I felt perturbed. 

I realized I had entered the conversation and turned away from him. I was already “right” about my side and clear that he was “wrong.” 

I describe it as acting more from my head than my heart. Then I got frustrated with Patrick when really, I was mad at myself for not practicing what I know works, turning toward my partner, and being fully present. 

If I could re-write that morning walk, I would have “turned toward” Patrick and offered, 

“I know that I am triggered by just starting this conversation. Could we walk in silence this morning? I want to consider what I want to say and how I want to be with you during this conversation. I love you.” 

This version of me would have been speaking her truth, letting go of upset, and bringing us closer.

In my work as a somatic coach, I notice that turning away from ourselves and our loved ones is common. This tendency gets amplified when stressed or overwhelmed. Over time, trust and intimacy erode.

Thank goodness there is another option! 

Begin by cultivating curiosity for your own emotions. With time and practice, create new patterns of turning toward yourself, questioning, listening, and trusting. 

At first, this practice may feel awkward and uncomfortable, but over time, you will cultivate empowerment, trust, and belief in yourself.
Once we learn to turn toward ourselves, we can turn toward others with grace, curiosity, and wonder. 

This is a brief embodiment practice to help reconnect you with the Self.

Embodied Excavation

When a big emotion comes up, 

PAUSE.

Close your eyes.

Feel the emotion.

Notice where it lives in your body.

Give all of your attention to it. 

Ask it, “What do you desire or Need?”

Listen for the answer, 

your body will tell you what it needs.