Taming a Storm of Resentment.
The calm before the storm:
It was a quiet Saturday morning. The house was clean, a candle was lit, and I asked my husband to do one more thing for me. OK, Let’s be honest. I told him what I wanted him to do. It was not particularly graceful and had no regard for his afternoon. His retort was filled with exhaustion and annoyance.
The storm:
Bam, his words set me off. Energy rolled through me and into our cultivated space, turning our afternoon dark and bleak. My inner dialog raged like 90-mile-per-hour winds pulling me off center. Resentment flooded the room and felt like a hail storm throughout my body. Our voices thundered into the space; words poured from our electrified egos, and I insinuated that he does not do enough. Our perfect day turned into a fierce storm of resentment and rage.
How often have you experienced a day go sour with a single comment?
Then, I hear the words I have been practicing through the work with my incredible friend and coach, Christa Gifford. Together with some amazing women, we are focused on engaging our world through the eyes of spirit. From this vantage point, everything happens in this life to show us how we can grow, become free and liberate ourselves.
“This is happening for me, not to me.”
In the constant movement of life, parenting, running businesses, etc., many of us don’t take time to check in with our emotions. When the nervous system has time to settle, we feel. And when we feel, both the beautiful and the challenging feelings can surface. This is why a single word broke open my floodgates of emotion. I had been doing and going and had forgotten about feeling and receiving.
“This is happening for me, not to me.”
I had days, maybe weeks, maybe longer of little, unacknowledged resented moments, all being held in my body as stuck energy. They needed a place or reason to be realized, released, and resolved. Like a stick of dynamite, they were just waiting for something to set it off!
“This is happening for me, not to me.”
As I murmured these words, the storm clouds parted. Rays of awareness from my higher self spirit shined through. My ego said “He is not doing enough.” But, when I looked deeper, I realized that what I actually felt was “I’m not enough.”
“This is happening for me, not to me.”
It was obvious to me I needed to look at the part of myself that feels like “I am not enough.” GULP!
When I re-framed our argument as a gift, it was apparent that I have a subconscious belief that I am not enough. I have been projecting this pain onto my husband and subconsciously resenting him for not showing up; whoops, sorry about that!
Through this process of reframing, my real work begins. I could continue to push this pain away onto someone else and forsake myself, or I can choose to use this awareness to awaken deeper compassion and acceptance for myself.
Two-part practice for taming resentment
A journaling exercise.
Acknowledge a pain point in your life.
The healing starts with a re-frame with the questions:
How is this happening for you?
Write about it; the catharsis comes from putting pen to paper.
Are you carrying unacknowledged resentment? Finish this thread: I resent…. Because……
Welcome that into your body, don’t push it away.
Try to send love to this part of you.
With a deep breath, turn the reflection toward yourself.
Where do you not accept this behavior or way of being in yourself?
These two steps combined with writing out the answers, create a deep inward look at the pain of resentment as a source of your personal liberation.
Are you ready to feel liberated?
Patrick and I are here for you. We coach individuals and couples to create breakthrough lives.
Let go of the patterns that no longer serve you.
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