A Stand for Togetherness This Season: Living Deeper Through Intentional Pause
What if I told you a simple recipe exists for deepening connections with yourself and those around you? This recipe can calm your nervous system and help you reclaim your power.
Would you be willing to try it?
One of the most significant changes in recent decades is the way we connect. Mobile devices have shifted our world of connection from personal interactions to a digital realm accessible anytime. While there's ease and convenience in modern communication, our spirits yearn for real, face-to-face, eye-to-eye contact.
Consider the bond formed when a mother holds her baby, gazing into each other's eyes from just 12 inches away. Oxytocin, known as the love chemical, is released, fostering a feeling of connection, bonding, and love. This biological connection, crucial for our growth and survival, is something we crave regardless of age. However, technology's allure often distracts us from these meaningful interactions, even when we're in the same room. This separation subtly erodes our connection and intimacy.
This season, let's reclaim our autonomy from technology and embrace our humanity.
One aspect that distinctly separates us from AI is our ability to experience the world through five or six senses. By pausing and focusing on sensory information, we can soothe our nervous systems and deepen our connection with ourselves. Imagine pausing amidst holiday shopping and traffic: sensing your feet, inhaling the surrounding aromas, feeling your tongue in your mouth, and connecting with your breath. This simple act of sensory focus can instantly transform your nervous system's state, bringing you back to yourself.
In contrast, being glued to our devices numbs us to these sensations.
Are you ready to endure the discomfort of breaking habitual phone usage? Can you acknowledge that the world at your fingertips is often a distraction, and resist the urge to immediately respond to every email or notification?
When our children attended a Waldorf school in Costa Rica, the curriculum emphasized developing the child's will. Students would spend an entire semester crafting a wooden cooking spoon, confronting boredom and the temptation to quit. Persisting through these challenges, they strengthened their willpower.
In contrast, as adults, we often resort to our phones when faced with discomfort, much like reaching for a drink or a cigarette. It's a blend of adapting to changing times and using devices as a distraction from unwanted feelings.
This holiday season offers an opportunity to put away our devices and truly connect with the people around us, tune into our bodies, and cultivate present-moment focus. This practice can enhance our self-awareness and our connections with others.
Recipe for Connection, Power, and Calming Your Nervous System:
1. Schedule times to disconnect. Adjust or cancel meetings if necessary.
2. Inform those who might need you that you'll be unavailable.
3. Set up automatic email and text responses.
4. Leave your phone off or in another room.
5. Engage in activities like playing music, card games, lighting a fire or a candle, or simply sitting in silence, paying attention to your senses.
6. Practice active listening with loved ones, engage each other eye-to-eye, and be present.
If you must check-in:
1. Agree with your family on a suitable time for you to do so.
2. Set a timer for your scheduled check-in.
3. End the check-in promptly as planned.
Each year, as we prepare for the holiday turn-off and reunite with family, we leave Costa Rica and return to the States. Amidst packing our home for renters, preparing for our children's school performances, and organizing holiday surprises, our schedule becomes incredibly hectic. It's like running red lights trying to get to yoga.
This year, Patrick and I are committed to transforming this stressful pattern into an opportunity for growth.
Holidays have always been a source of joy and nostalgia for our family. As adults, we've adapted our traditions, but with our children, we've revived old ones and created new ones. Whether it's enjoying Christmas breakfast with oysters, making cookies, attending a candlelight service, or listening to piano music by the fire, the essence of our family traditions is the magic of being together.
