One Day, You'll Be a Man, My Son.
My friends Dave and Greg Archer, Earl Purdy, Escher Van Korlar, and I began gathering weekly for our first Men's Circle back in 2001. The Circle was a "safe place" for open sharing – a spot where we could be authentic and vulnerable once a week, talking about our lives without fearing judgment.
It quickly became a haven for me.
I cherished the chance to freely express myself among men who wouldn't criticize or make fun of me. It felt like a release, a discovery of a hidden strength within me. I could finally let go of all the emotional weight I'd been carrying, not having to hide it anymore.
As time went on in the Men's Circle, I understood the true power of being open and making real connections. This experience taught me what being a man today really means. It's not about fitting into what society or old ideas of manhood expect. Instead, it's about accepting my feelings, building deep relationships, and constantly working on knowing myself better and growing as a part of a greater whole.
The Men's Circle helped me start this journey of self-discovery and rethink what manhood means.
We weren’t born with anyone who knew how to teach us or model these ideas. No guidebook or updated manual written on “Being A Man.”
We learned through our mistakes and victories, our pain and our pleasure. We were contributed to and sometimes knocked down through the unique experiences and influences of older men we observed and heard. Our growth, often filled with physical and emotional challenges, has been a trial and error, and it's funny that until now, we have not demanded better from ourselves.
Since that first Men’s Circle over 22 years ago, I have been refining and growing as a man and Father. This self-work and reflection culminated in leading our first Men’s retreat this November. Over ten days, we brought 13 men together with one goal: to improve and become the kind of men we admire, combining all the best traits we've seen in others.
The Resiliency Project started with a clear realization that men have been at the forefront of many of humanity’s problems. By owning up to our roles, we're also the ones who can begin to heal these issues. During our retreat, a co-leader, Terry Bullman, came up with a saying, “We get to, and We have to.”
This statement has become a mantra for our growing tribe of men.
WE GET TO CALL IN the men of our communities and offer them a safe place to share their pain, hopes, and energy. AND WE HAVE TO CALL IN the men of our communities to provide them with a safe place to share their pain, hopes, and energy for a better future.
Behind all the masks men wear, our fundamental desire and purpose lies in seeking a solution to familial and community problems. Within the safe space and accountability of other men, we have mirrors that acknowledge that the answers we desire begin with the healing of the wounded and misguided masculine.
Men, we are the origin of most of the issues we face. We are also at the heart of their healing.
